CA: Divorced AB: Beheaded JS: Died AC: Divorced KH: Beheaded CP: Survived CA: And tonight we are… ALL: LIIIVE! CA: Listen up! Let me tell you a story AB: A story that you think you’ve heard before JS: We know you know our names and our fame and our faces AC: Know all about the glories and the disgraces KH: I’m done cause all this time I’ve been just one word in a stupid rhyme! CP: So I picked up a pen and a microphone ALL: History’s about to get overthrown! CA: Divorced AB: Beheaded JS: Died AC: Divorced KH: Beheaded CP: Survived ALL: But just for you tonight ALL: We’re divorced, beheaded, LIIIIIIVE ALL: Welcome to the show, to the histo-remix! ALL: Switching up the flow as we add the prefix ALL: Everybody knows that we used to be six wives ALL: Raising up the roof ’til we hit the ceiling ALL: Get ready for the truth that we’ll be revealing ALL: Everybody knows that we used to be six wives ALL: But now we’re ex-wives CA: All you ever hear and read about AB: is our ex and the way it ended JS: But a pair doesn’t beat a royal flush AC: You’re gonna find out how we got unfriended KH: Tonight we’re gonna do ourselves justice KH: Cause we’re taking you to court! CP: every Tudor rose has it’s thorns CP: and you’re gonna here ’em live — CP: in consort CA: Divorced AB: Beheaded JS: Died AC: Divorced KH: Beheaded CP: Survived ALL: But just for you tonight ALL: We’re divorced, beheaded, LI-I-I-I-I-IVE! ALL: Welcome to the show, to the histo-remix ALL: Switching up the flow as we add the prefix ALL: Everybody knows that we used to be six wives ALL: Dancing to the beat to the break of day, once we’re done we’ll start again ALL: Like it’s the Renaissance ALL: Everybody knows that we used to be six wives ALL: But now we’re– CA: Ex-wives! ALL: (DIVORCED) CA: My name’s Catherine of Aragon CA: Was married 24 years, I’m a paragon of royalty CA: My loyalty is to the Vatican, so if you try to dump me CA: You won’t try that again ALL: (BEHEADED) AB: I’m that Boleyn girl and I’m up next AB: See I broke England from the church AB: Yeah, I’m that sexy AB: Why did I lose my head? AB: Well my sleeves may be green, but my lipsticks red! ALL: (DIED) JS: Jane Seymour, the only one he truly loved– ALL: RUDE! JS: When my son was newly born, I died JS: But I’m not what I seem, or am I? JS: Stick around and you’ll suddenly see more ALL: (DIVORCED) AC: Ich bin Anna of Cleves ALL: JA? AC: When he saw my portrait he was like– ALL: JA! AC: But I didn’t look as good as I did in my pic AC: Funny how we all discuss that but never Henry’s little– KH: PRICK UP YOUR EARS KH: I’m the Katherine who lost her head ALL: (BEHEADED) KH: For my promiscuity outside of wed– KH: Lock up your husbands! Lock up your sons! KH: K. Howard is here and the funs begun! ALL: (SURVIVED) CP: Five down, I’m the final wife CP: I saw him to the end of his life CP: I’m the survivor, Catherine Parr CP: I bet you wanna know how I got this far CP: I said I bet you wanna know how we got this far ALL: Do you wanna know how we got this far? then ALL: Welcome to the show, to the histo-remix ALL: Switching up the flow as we add the prefix ALL: Everybody knows that we used to be six wives ALL: Get your hands up! Get this party buzzing! ALL: You want a queen bee? Well there’s half a dozen! ALL: Everybody knows that we used to be six wives ALL: But now we’re ex-wives! ALL: One! Two! Three! Four! Five! ALL: SIX! AC: So, you came here tonight to party with us old school JS: Really, really old school JS: But we’re not here to have fun! KH: Uh-uh! We’ve got a serious score to settle! CP: We’ve been in the shadow of one man for too long AB: And we came here tonight to step back into the spotlight! KH: The problem is there’s– ALL: SIIIIIIX KH: –of us, and we know you’ve all got your favorite! CA: Yes! Everyone always wants to know “Who’s the most important wife?” AC: And they’ve been arguing about it for centuries. CP: We’ve heard it all… CA: “Who lasted the longest was the strongest!” AB: “The biggest sinner is obvs the winner!” JS: “Who had the son takes number one!” AC: “Who was most chased shall be first placed!” KH: “Most inglorious is victorious.” CP: The winning contestant was the most pro-testant! CP: PROTESTANT! CA: But tonight we came here to answer your questions once and for all! AB: AND TELL YA WHATCHA WANT WHATCHA REALLY REALLY WANT– AB: …to know? JS: That’s right, we’re gonna help you figure out which one of us is– AC: The queen of the castle! JS: The rose among the thorns KH: The Thomas Cromwell amongst the royal ministers between 1532 and 1540! CA: But how in the purgatory are they going to choose their leading lady? AB: HOLD UP! AB: If this is gonna be a fair competition, AB: They’re gonna have to judge us on the one thing we all got in common. JS: The one to take the crown should be the one who had JS: The biggest CP: The firmest CA: The fullest! CA: Load of B.S. to deal with from the man who put a ring on it!