Jim Gaffigan Thinks Marching Bands Ruin Music


-Welcome back. -Thank you.
It’s good to be here. -This is a beautiful film. You play a husband
whose wife passes away. -Yes. -You hire a paranormal
investigator. -Paranormal investigator. By the way, I gained
70 pounds for this film. -Did you really? -I mean, I gained it,
like, 20 years ago, but… [ Laughter ] …I knew that
I would have this role… -Yeah, yeah, yeah, right. -…of a widower…
-Sure. -…who is grieving,
and I was like, “You know, he’s got to put on
a good 70 pounds.” -Got it, so, 20 years ago,
you sort of — a lot of actors maybe are like, “I’m gonna aim
for a super-hero body.” You were like, “I’m gonna
go for grieving widow.” -I just — you know,
it’s for the art. -Yeah.
-You know what I mean? It’s for the art
and the Doritos. -Yeah.
-Do I get free Doritos now? -[ Laughs ] -No, I play this guy —
it’s a great film. It’s 93% on Rotten Tomatoes… -Oh, fantastic, congratulations.
-I don’t know what that means. [ Cheers and applause ]
-Thank you. And, uh, I hire a paranormal
investigator played by Marin Ireland,
who’s amazing actor, and, you know,
it was interesting, ’cause it’s set
in Eastern Tennessee, and that paranormal world
of ghosts is kind of — it’s relatively common. Like, if you’re, you know, in the Smoky Mountains
or even in the South, the houses are kind
of haunted, which is — you know, like,
we live in New York. Like, if someone was like,
“My apartment’s haunted,” people would be like, still,
“Can I live there?” You know, like, “Can you get rid
of the ghost so I can move in?” -Yeah, or like, “I’m sure the ghost isn’t worse
than my seven roommates.” -Right, yeah. Is the ghost under rent control
or something? So, but it was fascinating
just being in that world. -You — I want to talk about
Halloween real quick. Your eight-year-old…
-Yes. -…son decided
to go as a comedian. -He decide–
he brought it up at dinner, and he was like — my kids
were saying what they wanted, and he goes,
“I want to be a comedian.” I’m like, you know —
’cause I’m a comedian. -Right. -And I was like, “You know what? I don’t know
if that’s a good idea,” ’cause people would be
like, you know, “This guy made his son
be a comedian.” -Yeah. -And so we were thinking
about it, and he is eight, and he’s, you know,
a cute little boy, so I was like,
“Go as John Mulaney.” Because John Mulaney looks
like an eight-year-old boy. -[ Laughs ] Right. -And I love John Mulaney. -Yes, a dear friend
of both of ours. -Yeah, and so, you know,
my wife did some magic, and my 15-year-old daughter,
Marre, loves Mulaney, too, so she had him rehearse bits. -So, he did, and this is video
of your eight-year-old as… -Mikey, yeah, Michael. -Let’s take a look. -[ Nasally ] Hi, everybody.
My name is John Mulaney, and I also have a French bulldog
named Petunia. Street smarts! [ Laughter ] Street smarts. -Yeah, street smarts. -And, you know, I sent that
video to Mulaney, and, uh, he was like, “Your son already has
a deeper voice than me.” So, yeah.
-That’s the thing. They say if you can’t
get your Mulaney Halloween costume early,
you just age out of it. -Yeah, you age out of it
by the time you’re a teenager. -You — did you —
I mean, that must be great to trick-or-treat
with your kids, but then there’s the parade
later at night. Do you — are you someone —
-We ran into the parade. And I understand the history surrounding
the Halloween parade, but no one has ever
run into a parade and gone, “Oh, good, a parade.”
-Right, yeah. -There’s always part of you
that’s like, “I hate humans.” -Yeah, yeah, yeah. -Because there’s nothing
that impressive about a parade. You’re — You’re never like,
“Hey, look, kids. People are walking. Can you believe it?” And whatever
the parade is for — and we have so many parades — it never really feels
like it justifies the traffic.
-Yeah. -It’s like,
I’m all for gay rights, but I don’t want
to be late to a movie. -Yeah, right.
-You know what I mean? -Yeah, yeah, yeah.
-And the parade — Of course,
there was a part where there was the marching band, and marching bands —
you know, like, the precision and the rehearsal
that goes into — you know, it’s impressive how a marching band
can take any song and ruin it, right? You’re always kind of like,
“Wow, I didn’t know I could hate
‘Uptown Funk’ that much.” And, you know, like, I have —
you know, my wife was — you know, people have been in
marching band, and it just — as an outsider, you almost — you know, high schools,
they have them — but it almost seems like it’s — they’re dissuading people
from pursuing a career in music. They’re like,
“You want to be in music? Alright, put on
this Cap’n Crunch outfit and march downtown to the blank stares
of your neighbors.” It’s just strange. -I can’t believe when you’re
watching a parade how many people are holding up
their phones to film it. -Yes.
-And you want to say “For who?” -Right. -And, like, years from now,
you’re gonna be like, “I’m gonna go. I’m gonna
watch my old parade videos.” -Yeah, no, there’s — there’s something
very strange, also, about a marching band,
how it’s moving. Like, you’re always
kind of like, “Good, keep going.
Keep going. Hopefully there’s a cliff
coming up.” You know? See, like,
some of these I was like… And, you know,
but marching bands — Here’s what I do think. Obviously, the kids — they learn
about music, and they — you know, the cooperation
and stuff like that, keeps them out of trouble,
off drugs, but you see some marching bands,
and you’re like, “Maybe those kids
should do drugs.” -Yeah. [ Laughter ] -I’m gonna get — You can, uh, send your
complaints to @JimGaffigan. -Yeah. They’ll come.
They’ll come. There’s a very strong
marching-band lobby. -Yes.